please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize