im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
