you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
