I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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