so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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