blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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