I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
