oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
