this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My life is pants optional.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
