dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
