Non-Jews are for practice
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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