There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just found puke in my bra..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
