Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.

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(713): View more from Texas

my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.

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(301): View more from Maryland

do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

there needs to be a build-a-bong store...

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(720): View more from Colorado

we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons

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(225): View more from Louisiana

i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper

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(416): View more from Toronto

I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.

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