They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize