I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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