i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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