I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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