How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
