question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
