ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
