Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Operation Purity has been aborted
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
