you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I will pee on everything he values.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize