All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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