just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
