thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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