Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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