Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
