Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She bit a glass in half.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I will pee on everything he values.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
