This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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