Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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