Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
