How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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