Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My bed smells like the plague
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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