1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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