I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
