We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
