i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
