you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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