I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
