Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
