I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
