Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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