Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
