She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
