So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
