im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
