you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize