Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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