Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
