My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
