to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
