Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
