Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
