i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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