I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
