i would punch a child for taco bell
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The Olympian is in my bed
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
