Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
