I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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