i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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