the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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