I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
