i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize