you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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