He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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