dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
