I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
