Whoa Z and x make the same sound
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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