So drunk its hurt
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
