i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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