Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
