I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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