problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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