it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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