Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
