I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
