About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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