I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
