ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize