dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
