Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Im part way to drunk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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