my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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