she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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