nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
