my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
