Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
