Need sex. Gaining weight.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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