Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
