Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
