she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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