It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
