dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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