Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
