I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
