There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
