is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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