it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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