my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
