I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
