How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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