How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
