you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
sex in a hospital.. check
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
