Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
