Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
