if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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