the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Who died my cat blue again?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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