He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
