If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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